The Department of Homeland Security Comedy Hour
The stream of news showcasing the incompetance of the Department of Homeland Security has enough material to make an uninformed observer think the reports are merely scripts for episodes of a new sitcom called "Homeland INsecurity," featuring a troupe of clumsy and incompetant employees of the DHS, featuring DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff as Himself.
Unfortunately, this is not the case and the antics of the DHS folks have real implications for those seeking to enhance the security of high-risk targets. This morning, a new episode of "Homeland INsecurity" was featured in an article by the New York Times.
The inspector general of the DHS released a report yesterday that highlights the flaws in the federal antiterrorism database known as the National Asset Database, used by the DHS to assist in the division of antiterrorism grants (totalling many millions of dollars) each year, including the program that was responsible for cutting antiterrorism funds for New York City and Washington, D.C.
The report may be accessed here (PDF).
An editorial by the New York Daily News describes the idiocy of the department:
Every year, Columbia, Tenn., holds Mule Day, which is not merely a day but "an almost week-long celebration of the mule." This year, it began with a canasta tournament, ended with a concert of gospel music and in between featured "pickin' and grinnin'," a knife auction, ham and biscuit breakfasts and a liars' contest.
Surely a good time was had by all, and perhaps, verily, the Mule Day festivities are indeed in danger from Islamic terrorists. But somehow we doubt it.
Nevertheless, Mule Day is listed as a potential target in the Department of Homeland Security's National Asset Database, along with, to name a few: a Bean Fest, the Groundhog Zoo (which best we can tell, is a tank at the Punxsutawney, Pa., public library), something called Trees of Mystery, Mail Boxes Etc., a landfill and - even more mysterious than the trees - a "Beach at End of [a] Street."
Yet one of the characters of "Homeland INsecurity" defends the agency from an outbreak of common sense:
“We don’t find it embarrassing,” said the department’s deputy press secretary, Jarrod Agen. “The list is a valuable tool.”
The Times:
In addition to the petting zoo, in Woodville, Ala., and the Mule Day Parade in Columbia, Tenn., the auditors questioned many entries, including “Nix’s Check Cashing,” “Mall at Sears,” “Ice Cream Parlor,” “Tackle Shop,” “Donut Shop,” “Anti-Cruelty Society” and “Bean Fest.”
Surely, Osama bin Laden is salivating at such inviting targets, especially those bastions of Western decadence like the "Anti-Cruelty Society" and the "Beach at End of Street."
The Daily News:
All things being possible, Osama Bin Laden could, at this very moment, be sending his minions to destroy the "Beach at End of [a] Street," provided he has figured out which beach and which street. But somehow we doubt that, too.
Chances are that such inviting targets may be found in Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, and Montana, the clear front lines in the United States and this War for the Liberation of the Bean Fest and the War on Terror (which might very well be applied to certain people who ingest enough beans).
The Times:
The National Asset Database, as it is known, is so flawed, the inspector general found, that as of January, Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had 50 percent more listed sites than New York (5,687) and more than twice as many as California (3,212), ranking the state the most target-rich place in the nation.
In addition to Indiana's surprising first-place finish, Wisconsin was the first runner-up, as the state with the second-most places that al-Qaeda hates. Nebraska came in 7th and Montana finished 16th.
This graphic that accompanies the Times article shows the states and territories of the United States, ranked by population, and the amount of assets each has in the database:
The Times also reports:
New York City officials, who have questioned the rationale for the reduction in this year’s antiterrorism grants, were similarly blunt.
“Now we know why the Homeland Security grant formula came out as wacky as it was,” Senator Charles E. Schumer, Democrat of New York, said Tuesday. “This report is the smoking gun that thoroughly indicts the system.”
New York, for example, lists only 2 percent of the nation’s banking and finance sector assets, which ranks it between North Dakota and Missouri. Washington State lists nearly twice as many national monuments and icons as the District of Columbia.
Montana, one of the least populous states in the nation, turned up with far more assets than big-population states including Massachusetts, North Carolina and New Jersey.
Later in the article:
The inspector general recommends that the department review the list and determine which of the “extremely insignificant” assets that have been included should remain and provide better guidance to states on what to submit in the future.
Mr. Agen, the Homeland Security Department spokesman, said that he agreed that his agency should provide better directions for the states and that it would do so in the future.
The problem goes beyond the DHS providing poor guidelines outlining what could be placed in the database. The problem comes from the states as well. While providing poor guidelines, some states have made grabs for federal money by listing every single building in the state to be part of the database and possibly including entries such as "Stray Dog at Beach on End of Street" as part of the assets deemed to be threatened by an attack from terrorists. Maybe landlocked states like Nebraska also placed "Oceanfront Property" on the database as well.
Until DHS tells the states to stop with the stupid bullshit, this will only continue. As it is, the inspector general's report states that assets deemed not nationally significant outnumber those that do by 3 to 1 (page 13 of the PDF file, page 9 of the report).
And there is yet to be an effort by the DHS to reform this system, only an opinion from Mr. Agen.
Even those in the states benefitting from such behavior are baffled. The Times ends the article:
One business owner who learned from a reporter that a company named Amish Country Popcorn was on the list was at first puzzled. The businessman, Brian Lehman, said he owned the only operation in the country with that name.
“I am out in the middle of nowhere,” said Mr. Lehman, whose business in Berne, Ind., has five employees and grows and distributes popcorn. “We are nothing but a bunch of Amish buggies and tractors out here. No one would care.”
But on second thought, he came up with an explanation: “Maybe because popcorn explodes?”
The new target that could threaten Americans and bring the downfall of Western civilization.
When is the series finale of "Homeland INsecurity"?
Unfortunately, this is not the case and the antics of the DHS folks have real implications for those seeking to enhance the security of high-risk targets. This morning, a new episode of "Homeland INsecurity" was featured in an article by the New York Times.
The inspector general of the DHS released a report yesterday that highlights the flaws in the federal antiterrorism database known as the National Asset Database, used by the DHS to assist in the division of antiterrorism grants (totalling many millions of dollars) each year, including the program that was responsible for cutting antiterrorism funds for New York City and Washington, D.C.
The report may be accessed here (PDF).
An editorial by the New York Daily News describes the idiocy of the department:
Every year, Columbia, Tenn., holds Mule Day, which is not merely a day but "an almost week-long celebration of the mule." This year, it began with a canasta tournament, ended with a concert of gospel music and in between featured "pickin' and grinnin'," a knife auction, ham and biscuit breakfasts and a liars' contest.
Surely a good time was had by all, and perhaps, verily, the Mule Day festivities are indeed in danger from Islamic terrorists. But somehow we doubt it.
Nevertheless, Mule Day is listed as a potential target in the Department of Homeland Security's National Asset Database, along with, to name a few: a Bean Fest, the Groundhog Zoo (which best we can tell, is a tank at the Punxsutawney, Pa., public library), something called Trees of Mystery, Mail Boxes Etc., a landfill and - even more mysterious than the trees - a "Beach at End of [a] Street."
Yet one of the characters of "Homeland INsecurity" defends the agency from an outbreak of common sense:
“We don’t find it embarrassing,” said the department’s deputy press secretary, Jarrod Agen. “The list is a valuable tool.”
The Times:
In addition to the petting zoo, in Woodville, Ala., and the Mule Day Parade in Columbia, Tenn., the auditors questioned many entries, including “Nix’s Check Cashing,” “Mall at Sears,” “Ice Cream Parlor,” “Tackle Shop,” “Donut Shop,” “Anti-Cruelty Society” and “Bean Fest.”
Surely, Osama bin Laden is salivating at such inviting targets, especially those bastions of Western decadence like the "Anti-Cruelty Society" and the "Beach at End of Street."
The Daily News:
All things being possible, Osama Bin Laden could, at this very moment, be sending his minions to destroy the "Beach at End of [a] Street," provided he has figured out which beach and which street. But somehow we doubt that, too.
Chances are that such inviting targets may be found in Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, and Montana, the clear front lines in the United States and this War for the Liberation of the Bean Fest and the War on Terror (which might very well be applied to certain people who ingest enough beans).
The Times:
The National Asset Database, as it is known, is so flawed, the inspector general found, that as of January, Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had 50 percent more listed sites than New York (5,687) and more than twice as many as California (3,212), ranking the state the most target-rich place in the nation.
In addition to Indiana's surprising first-place finish, Wisconsin was the first runner-up, as the state with the second-most places that al-Qaeda hates. Nebraska came in 7th and Montana finished 16th.
This graphic that accompanies the Times article shows the states and territories of the United States, ranked by population, and the amount of assets each has in the database:
The Times also reports:
New York City officials, who have questioned the rationale for the reduction in this year’s antiterrorism grants, were similarly blunt.
“Now we know why the Homeland Security grant formula came out as wacky as it was,” Senator Charles E. Schumer, Democrat of New York, said Tuesday. “This report is the smoking gun that thoroughly indicts the system.”
New York, for example, lists only 2 percent of the nation’s banking and finance sector assets, which ranks it between North Dakota and Missouri. Washington State lists nearly twice as many national monuments and icons as the District of Columbia.
Montana, one of the least populous states in the nation, turned up with far more assets than big-population states including Massachusetts, North Carolina and New Jersey.
Later in the article:
The inspector general recommends that the department review the list and determine which of the “extremely insignificant” assets that have been included should remain and provide better guidance to states on what to submit in the future.
Mr. Agen, the Homeland Security Department spokesman, said that he agreed that his agency should provide better directions for the states and that it would do so in the future.
The problem goes beyond the DHS providing poor guidelines outlining what could be placed in the database. The problem comes from the states as well. While providing poor guidelines, some states have made grabs for federal money by listing every single building in the state to be part of the database and possibly including entries such as "Stray Dog at Beach on End of Street" as part of the assets deemed to be threatened by an attack from terrorists. Maybe landlocked states like Nebraska also placed "Oceanfront Property" on the database as well.
Until DHS tells the states to stop with the stupid bullshit, this will only continue. As it is, the inspector general's report states that assets deemed not nationally significant outnumber those that do by 3 to 1 (page 13 of the PDF file, page 9 of the report).
And there is yet to be an effort by the DHS to reform this system, only an opinion from Mr. Agen.
Even those in the states benefitting from such behavior are baffled. The Times ends the article:
One business owner who learned from a reporter that a company named Amish Country Popcorn was on the list was at first puzzled. The businessman, Brian Lehman, said he owned the only operation in the country with that name.
“I am out in the middle of nowhere,” said Mr. Lehman, whose business in Berne, Ind., has five employees and grows and distributes popcorn. “We are nothing but a bunch of Amish buggies and tractors out here. No one would care.”
But on second thought, he came up with an explanation: “Maybe because popcorn explodes?”
The new target that could threaten Americans and bring the downfall of Western civilization.
When is the series finale of "Homeland INsecurity"?
posted by Will at 1:52 PM
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